Playing-Time Conversations

Playing time is the most emotional parent topic. It is also where parents lose credibility fastest. Parents need a process. First: Do Not React Immediately Do not confront the coach after the game. Do not send an emotional text from the parking lot. Do not corner the coach while they are packing equipment. Wait. Use the 24-hour rule. If the concern still matters after 24 hours, communicate calmly. Second: Decide Who Should Ask At younger ages, the parent may need to ask. At older ages, the player should increasingly ask. A U16 or U17 player who cannot ask a coach what they need to improve is not ready for college soccer. Parents can help the player prepare the question. Third: Ask the Right Question Do not ask: “Why isn’t my child playing?” That invites defensiveness. Ask: “What does my child need to improve to earn a stronger role?” That invites coaching. Do not ask: “Why does that player play more?” That makes the conversation about someone else’s child. Ask: “What are the specific areas holding my child back right now?” That keeps the conversation focused. Fourth: Request Targets Good follow-up: “What should they focus on over the next 30 days?” Then: “How will we know progress is happening?” Now the player has a plan. Fifth: Accept the Answer Parents often say they want honesty, then punish the coach when they get it.